London, November 27, 2025
Dr. Becky emphasizes the critical parenting strategy of connecting with children before attempting to control their behavior, highlighting this approach as essential for effectively addressing difficult child behaviors worldwide. This method encourages validating children’s feelings rather than punishing them, fostering better emotional development.
Connect First, Control Later
Parenting expert Dr. Becky advocates a foundational shift in how caregivers respond to children struggling emotionally or behaviorally. Rather than resorting to immediate corrective actions like punishments or rewards, she stresses the importance of first establishing a genuine connection. This involves pausing to understand the child’s internal experience, validating their feelings, and making them feel heard. A simple open expression such as, “I’m glad you’re sharing this with me. Tell me more,” can build trust and prevent escalation.
Reframing Behavior as a Developmental Issue
Key to Dr. Becky’s advice is viewing challenging behaviors not as indicators of a child’s character but as signs of undeveloped skills. Behaviors labeled as “bad” often reflect what children have yet to learn about managing emotions and interactions. Recognizing these actions as skill deficits helps caregivers approach issues with empathy, offering opportunities to teach resilience and coping strategies essential for long-term emotional growth.
Respond Calmly, Don’t React Emotionally
When children act out with rudeness or aggression, Dr. Becky highlights that caregivers’ emotional reactions can exacerbate conflicts. Instead, maintaining a calm, composed presence serves as a stabilizing force. By embodying the role of the calm adult, parents and teachers provide comfort even if the child initially rejects the reassurance. This calm response is crucial in deescalating tensions and modeling appropriate behavior under stress.
Implications for Parenting and Child Development
Dr. Becky’s connection-first approach offers a promising framework for parents, educators, and policymakers invested in effective child development strategies. It moves beyond disciplinary models, focusing instead on emotional intelligence and skill-building. This perspective supports healthier relationships between adults and children and may reduce the reliance on punitive measures that can undermine trust and exacerbate behavioral problems.
Understanding and implementing this approach aligns closely with expert-backed, evidence-informed parenting practices that prioritize children’s emotional well-being. As families and institutions seek to navigate the complexities of child development, Dr. Becky’s insights underline the transformative power of connection and calm in fostering resilience and growth.